go the extra mile dog, open the door for her

thats more points all on your scoreboard

and you can give her hard wood like a floor board

Its no accident that Keys follows Nice Guys Finish Last withThe Friends Zone, a song spelling out exactly what many men feel is the end result of being too nice and too accommodating to a woman. Whether 88-Keys is 100 percent accurate in this assertion is inconsequential; what matters is the fact thatmany men (and women) truly do feel that nice guys finish last, and these songs resonate because of this common belief.

From our books and our blogs to our cds and our conversations, the idea that nice guys are near the bottom of the sexual totem pole is deeply embedded in our culture. But, although I do think that too nice guys probably do have more dating difficulties than, um, not too nice guys, I wonder how much of this feeling is just perception and self-fulfilling prophecy. To expound, what exactly do nice guys do (or not do) that gives them (and us) the idea that theyre destined for desert d*ck?And,do the nice guys who have dating difficulties have them because theyre nice, or are they subtly self-sabotaging themselves and using niceness as a scapegoat?

***Note: This post isnt addressing nice guys in general, but nice guys who always seem to struggle with romance***

1. They tend to fight outside of their weight class

While I wouldnt just come out and tell someone theyre pursuing women so far out of their league that the only realistic endpoint options arefriends zoneandrestraining order, a problem Ive seen with many self-proclaimed nice guys is that they pursue women so far out of their league that the only realistic endpoint options arefriends zoneandrestraining order.

Thing is, while out of his leagueis usually cited when referring to aesthetically belligerent men attempting to holler atBeharies, in this context, out of his leaguedescribes what happens when a relatively inexperienced and sexually naive man puts all his eggs in a shes a bit toogrownfor you, dog basket. Theyre just notreadyfor the type of woman theyre interested in.

Basically, theyre flyweights (unsuccessfully) trying to get in the ring with heavyweights, not realizing that not being allowed to fight is actually forhis ownsafety.

2. They tend to overestimate what everyone else is doing, and they blame what theyre not doing on their niceness

This isnt just a nice guy issue, by the way. Even in yesterdays entry, there were a few comments from women who assumed that pretty much every 25 to 30 year old man had at least 25 to 30 sexual partners; not realizing that only a small percentage of men reach those types of numbers.

Nice guys tend to take this to an extreme, though, occasionally adopting a self-defeating mindset based on the assumption that everyone is experiencing all these orgasmic experiences except for them; a blue-balls breeding state of mind that usually leads to bitterness and pay porn site subscriptions.

3. They waste too much time with people clearly not interested in them

Getting caught in the friends zone and staying there is (somewhat) acceptable when youre still in high school or college. Youre young, (relatively) inexperienced, and you sometimes cant help but get caught up if circumstance dictates that youll see many of the same people over and over again.

But, once youve graduatedor, if youre a black male, once youve dropped-outtheres no excuse to spend an entire weekend rubbing the shoulders and combing the scalp of some janky chick youve developed an unreciprocated infatuation for; watching her walk around her apartment in her pajamas while you blue-ball yourself with the distant hope that, one day, she might let you sniff her panties.

4.They dont establish themselves as sexual beings

While its probably not the best idea to just pull out your wang and place it on the bar stool as soon as you meet someone, a subtle difference separating most nice guyswho struggle with dating and guy who have sex with women is the fact that the guys who have sex with women dont hide the fact that theyre interested in having sex with women. Its not necessarily an overt acknowledgment either, as much as its just them letting a womanimmediatelyknow that theyre not really that interested in just being cool.

5. They tend to fall in love with ideas instead of actual people

Full disclosure: A decade or so ago, I was completely infatuated with a friend of mine, so infatuated that I actually dideachof the four things I just listed. (Yes, even the weekend shoulder rubbing. I was still in college, though, so you cant hold this against me)

Thing is, a couple pointed conversations and timely events made me realize that I was more into the idea ofher possibly being into methan I was into her. I didnt want her, I just wanted someone like her to want me; a state of mind leaving me stuck on a mental and emotional investment for someone I really wasnt even all that attracted to. Basically, I wantedneeded her to validate me. And, as you can imagine, she wasnt particularly interested in doing that.

After talking to a couple nice guy friends of mine, it seems like they tend to get caught up in the same predicament; so focused on potential and possible progress that they lose sight of actual people and personalities.

6. They have a faulty definition of finishing

Put it this way: If you call yourself a nice guy, and youre sore that youre not able to perpetually procure random panties, maybe youre not as nice as you claim to be.